Average everyday sane psycho supergoddess

And I get it, you're not giving up on me, you're forcing me to give up on you.

eletheowl:

And that I cannot do.

bounce

penguinprostitution:

After our tragic demise, I didn’t think I’d be whole again. You’d broken my heart and bruised my body and battered my soul. I didn’t think I’d feel alive again.You’d taken my breath away time after time and you never gave it back. I didn’t think I’d be happy again. You’d stolen all the laughter from my lung pockets. I didn’t think I’d bounce back up. I thought wrong and nothing pleased me more.

At first, it hurt like a motherfucking bitch for all of one month. Everything reminded me of you and everything that reminded me of you made me cry. I’d given you my everything. I’d given you my all. That left me heartwrenchingly empty. The month that followed our breakup - you’d chosen your mother over me - was the most painful of my young life. My family and friends were utterly disgusted with my tendencies to mope around in my room from dusk to dawn, crying myself to sleep and writing you an insane amount of love letters so that you’d take me back. I didn’t bother explaining to them the selfless intensity with which I’d loved you. I didn’t think they’d comprehend the devotion with which I’d adored you as I do with all my loved ones. I didn’t bother making them see that even though I am rude and vulgar and heartless and crass, I am painfully tenderhearted when it comes to people and things I love. They didn’t see how I loved just as passionately as I hated. I didn’t think they understood that for the first time in 21 years, I’d fallen in love, with none other than you, and so I got lost in my own world of you and me and our dying love.

Everything changed one day. I was reading a book. I don’t remember what but I remember very well realising that I’d been fine before you wormed your pathetic self into my magical life. I hadn’t depended on you to make me smile. I hadn’t needed you to make me laugh or dance. I was whole and alive and kicking and wonderful before I even knew you existed so how did I let you mean so much to me that I felt incomplete without you at my side?

I was too strong to let anyone, much less you, affect me so and I did everything in my power to let you go. I threw away all your love letters. I cut up Lickalottapuss.E, our bear. I broke all the mix tapes you’d given me. I yanked your chain off of my neck. I threw out the pendants and scratched out the engravings. I smashed the mechanics of the expensive watches you bought me. I threw us away as easily you’d thrown us away and I felt better.

Slowly, I started to heal and I became whole again. Slowly, I began to realise I didn’t need you to be happy. I didn’t need you to be me.

I bounced right back on my feet.

I like that it eats at you now.

you had me on my back with my thighs wide open, my eyes wide shut and my heart ripe for your taking. no one else ever made it that far.

(via penguinprostitution)

you had me on my back with my thighs wide open, my eyes wide shut and my heart ripe for your taking. no one else ever made it that far.

(via penguinprostitution)

human nature

eletheowl:

penguinprostitution:

At the risk of coming across as some self-righteous, sanctimonious prick of a girl, I can say, with every fibre of my being, that I am a good person. I can say this without hesitation and it floors the people around me.
‘You, Trish? You’re so hard and bitter,’ my friends laugh incredulously.
Yes, I, Trish, am inherently a good person.
Oh, I’ve done awful awful things in the past. I’ve brought people down and fucked people up and I’ve ruined so many people’s lives. But I’ve looked back at the person I was and I’ve done everything in my power to make the change.
I’m no saint but I’m a good person and my conscience is at peace. Are you? Is yours?

In bold, the words I want to say. Thank you, Trishie. As always, you find the words for me.

Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough?

(via eletheowl)

Why I'm single:

eletheowl:

• i have a way of destroying everything beautiful
• i’m emotionally retarded
• i never know what i want
• i care too little about what i wear/how i look
• and also, just because i can

You don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone.

(via eletheowl)